HOW TO COUNTER AGGRESSION
Promptly and immediately, from the first time.
There are 2 types of aggression: overt (material) and covert (emotional). Both have the same destructive effect mentally, emotionally, and biologically (health wise). No sane person wills it upon himself to deplete his health, confidence, and energy. Yet, these are the inevitable consequences.
For the sake of context, I shall speak of him as the perpetrator and her as the victim- a classical case.
Aggression starts with a subdued intensity, which is upscaled as it is repeated. Such a provocation usually elicits a particular outcome unknown to the victim. It could be a physical reaction to weaponize as an excuse, or a rejection to weaponize for rejection. For any victim entering into any type of relationship with the best of intent, remains puzzled questioning herself and her self-worth. This defensive disease creeps in unobtrusively. If caught in this downward spiral, it transforms her into introversion or reclusion. Hurt and offended by someone they care for; they end up hurting themselves. Is that person worth this self-torture? Is he indispensable in a world with 8 billion people, or is he so exclusive that he is destined for us? We have to be realistic and logical.
Seek yourself an anchor into reality from the onset. It can be from within through Faith and I would recommend contemplation (with beads); or, through Mindful Meditation to calm the mind. Otherwise, a therapist you can trust. But do not allow yourself to be like a can kicked down the road. Neither should you drift into the false illusion that anything will change for the better, or that you can manage the status quo. You do not manage someone else’s mind. He does autonomously.
If the perpetrator has not yet achieved his concealed objective, he will revert to trying it again more intensely, to push for it — whatever it is, no one knows. Therefore, from the 1st incident, demand that the relationship be placed on hold. If you feel emotional pain, it is healthy, your mind is demanding a respite to analyze the situation. Make no verbal contact within this period, using only text messages (useful evidence). “I’m busy” is the best excuse to avoid answering calls. No obligation to provide explanation, we all have responsibilities. To talk, require an appointment. Hold your tongue because the first thing he says is revealing. If he is not solicitous, he can’t face his truth and apologize, he is manipulative and sinister. If he is subdued and apologetic, you can take him back conditionally. If he is dramatic, he is fake. If you decide to renew your relationship, communicate your borders clearly. By the way, never ask for a reason. It is unlikely you’ll get to the raw truth. Why argue or debate? Your silence is louder than your words. It was simply unwarranted, period.
Should it occur a 2nd time, promptly walk away without a single word. That void will resonate very “loudly”. It is the first warning that this cycle of abuse shall increase in frequency and intensity. Set your mind that this kind of relationship is over and you will not allow it to overpower you. If the perpetrator becomes a nuisance whether stalking you, bombarding you with calls or messages, or harassments, immediately request for a meeting at the police station with all evidence in hand. If you do not confront him face to face, you will be allowing to overpower you with fear. Fear is for him, not for you! Insist that the police register your complaint, and request for evidence…add to your file, and I will tell you why.
We live in a world getting rougher and crazier by the day. There are those who are so gentle and subdued and have no idea how to defend themselves. My heart goes out to them. Your experience must have tangible currency. Your ex-perpetrator believes that you may be tough, but you are one in a thousand, and he can prey on many other victims out there. If you learned your lesson, you have to also teach him a good one. Another victim may be a single mother with dependents. He can wreak havoc in her life and in the psyche of her dependents, children and elderly folks. If she has no income, she cannot defend herself. If she is a struggling illegal immigrant with responsibilities back home, it’s a two-edged sword.
We must all make an effort to be more thoughtful of those who are less privileged than we are. That is the reason I write such articles with so much concern. I acknowledge that my approach is not smooth and suave like a therapist who charges for every consultation. I provide advice and guidance with substance and for free. If you utilize it or dump it, it is up to you.
We have a choice. Evil is getting more intense in the jungle of life. I only wish everyone well.
Sammy RNAJ
Sammy RNAJ
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